A Constant Loss

from Disconnected by ianto mabon

/

lyrics

I felt the slow clap of her heart
Solitary // in its cage of white
It beats for nothing
My mother asleep beside her mother
Their beauty bright // in the strange spring light
I sing for their lives
In that sad and sweet side I saw
That all our lives // are a constant loss
Of what we hold dear
Outside I saw the fields
And powerlines // under a wide grey sky
Time keeps on passing
Life’s just a lucid dream and
Death’s what we wake to // when it ends someday
So wake before then


I saw the death in her eyes
And I felt that weight on me
A history of mothers
A progeny of loss
All that time and grief astounds me
Every life an afterglow
I didn’t know the depths of her life
Or the achings of her heart
A century of longings
Unheard in silent dark
The banality confounds
She’ll never get another go


Death in the sickroom // her body a statue
I wanted to see her breath
Because I know consciousness is air
The length of a lifetime // is never a long time
No matter how far you get through
Your body’s slow return to dust night


I am so scared I have made myself sick with it
Death-thoughts in the darkest rooms of the night
I repress and pretend that I’ll never die
But oh, God, I’ll never wake from this
Sad dream, this beautiful nightmare
So take me back to the womb that birthed
Me almost 26 years ago

credits

from Disconnected, released April 5, 2020
Ianto Jones - Vocals & Instrumentation

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ianto mabon Cardiff, UK

Singer-songwriter from Cardiff.

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